A divorce. The applicant

- Judge! Can not! When we took, I did a
once in the evening, once in the morning. After a while, it did twice in the evening,
two times in the morning. In a year of marriage, had reached the
three times and three times in the morning night. Well! But lately, it învoieşte from work that day and do it three times! Can not be so!
Judges, not just young men, women have perfectly understood the problem, but the man's right to defense is guaranteed by the constitution, gave the word and his spouse.
- 'You what you say?
This one small, scrawny, busily wiping their brow sweat imbrobonată said:
- Well, gentlemen judges what to say! I would like ... now!

How does a Scottish kid rewards

Finish high school Scotsman son and father, happy asks:
What do I buy to compensate you?
Dad, son says, I wish I have a motorcycle ...
-Let my son it's too expensive ... Look, you buy a watermelon.
After finishing college son and father asks:
How to reward you for the joy that you've made?
Son happened, replies:
- Let Daddy, do not bother, better let's have a beer.
- After watermelon?!

The judge

- Tell the lady, the defendant tried to rape me?
- Of course!
- Will was hardly likely to go through those moments, is not it?
- Of course! Tried 5 times and managed only 2 times!

Cop Unlucky

In one town, a policeman stops a motorist seemed to rush too hard.
- But officer, said the rider, I can explain.
- Not a word! salt officer. I leave you calm returns to prison until my boss.
- But, officer, I just want to say that ...
- I told you to relax. Now you go to jail!
Over several hours, the officer comes to see how is the detainee:
- Let's be quiet, fortunately for you, says police boss is his daughter's wedding. A very good spirits come out.
- Do you? said the prisoner. I'm the groom ...

Un sef de firma se arunca de la etaj

Politistul care cerceta un caz de sinucidere, o intreaba pe secretara:
- Draguto, nu stii de ce s-a aruncat seful tau pe fereastra?
- N-am idee, dar era asa un om dragut si atent. Luna trecuta mi-a cumparat o blana, saptamana trecuta mi-a cumparat o masina sport, iar azi dimineata un inel cu diamant! Dupa aceea mi-a spus ca ar vrea sa se culce cu mine si m-a intrebat ce ii cer in schimb.
- Si ce i-ai raspuns?
- Ca aici la birou, lumea imi da de obicei 50 de dolari.

Doua pitzi stau de vorba:

- Auzi, fata, tie cum iti plac barbatii ?
- Fata, eu iubesc barbatii la fel cum iubesc cafeaua !
- Adica negri, tari si fierbinti ?
- Nu, fata, de patru-cinci ori pe zi....

Ion creste intr-un oras mic si-apoi se muta la Bucuresti

Ion creste intr-un oras mic si-apoi se muta la Bucuresti pentru a urma facultatea de drept. Decide sa se mute inapoi in orasul natal si sa isi deschida propriul birou de avocatura, insa afacerile ii merg cam greu la inceput. Intr-o zi, vede un om apropiindu-se de usa biroului. Fiind primul sau client doreste sa ii faca impresie buna.
Cand acesta ajunge la usa, Ion ridica rapid receptorul telefonului si incepe, facandu-i semn cu mana sa intre:
- Nu. In nici un caz. Spune-le idiotilor ca nu ma voi opri pana nu primesc un miliard despagubire. Da. La tribunal am sedinta maine.
Spune-i procurorului general ca am timp sa ma intalnesc cu el numai saptamana viitoare candva.
Si continua asa pentru vreo cinci minute. Omul asteapta cu rabdare pana Ion termina. Acesta pune jos receptorul si se intoarce catre noul venit.
Imi pare rau ca v-am facut sa asteptati. Sunt foarte ocupat. Cu ce va pot ajuta?
Omul raspunde:
-Sunt de la Romtelecom. Am venit sa va instalez telefonul..

Who brings you the world ..

Profesor la școală:
- Ia copiii spun, știi cine te-a adus în această lume?
ancuta:
- Eu sunt barză adus
- De unde știi Ancuta?
- Ei bine, am picioarele la fel de mult și sunt de culoare albă în ten.
Gigel:
- Eu am adus cioară.
- De unde știi Gigel?
- Ei bine, sunt mai întunecate în ten și întuneric
- Bravo, Gigel.
Bula și mâna în partea de sus.
- Eu am adus feribotul.
- Cum e cu bule?
- Ei bine, noaptea trecută a trecut dormitorul părinților, am auzit pe tata spunându-mama ei:
- Nu păstrați Botu, care și face unul ca bule

Due to the economic crisis and unfinished work

Due to the economic crisis and unfinished work, Bula longer fails to take leave.
Angry and aware that his wife, who caught a sea holiday ticket will not be good, he thought bubble:
- Okay, that's it, I got it! I give you permission to cheat on me, but only twice!
Two weeks later his wife comes from the sea, tanned, relaxed and smile all at the Bull asks:
- Be honest, how many times did you cheat?
To which his wife, smiling:
- Only two times baby! Once a lifeguard and once with a football team!

Two blondes talk.

Two blondes talk.
- Did you hear that the Hungarians have the longest?
- Did you hear that Mexicans have the thickest?
Bull, who was nearby, stop and listen to the discussion.
One blonde asks you observed:
- Who are you?
- Piste Gonzales!

You need to have flair to hang a beautiful woman

Bull asks a cousin's doing it for is so successful with girls.
- Well, if I see one that smiles at me, I smiled, then I go to her and say: "What good leg you!" "I have two" "You're free Between one and two?" then go with it ...
Merge Bull and sees one that he smiles:
- What you beautiful leg!
- I have two!
At the Bull looked at his watch and says:
- You open between three and four?
- Cow's mama!

The key to happiness

Dot happy walking through the woods. At one point, he encounters an old lady.
- Girl mother says old, why are you so happy?
- I met the spirit and showed me "the key to happiness."
- Fucking and told me that her whistle and made ​​me blow him!

Who knows where to put the drops?

Bull's wife puts drops in his left eye, then the
law and, finally, between the legs.
- Are you crazy?
- Why put there? Bula asks, stunned by her gesture.
- Why what? Reply woman. It's been a long time since she has seen no nothing!

A teacher asked students to tell a story with a moral

A teacher asked students to tell a story with a moral. Bull says:
- My father told me about Aunt Ana ... Aunt Sally was the aviation engineer in the war and her plane got hit. Had forced to land in enemy territory and all that it was a bottle of brandy, a rifle and a sword.
- Contains teacher said intrigued.
- Aunt Sally drank all the brandy to prepare ... then landed in the middle of 100 enemy soldiers. She killed 70 of them with machine gun bullets ended up. Then he killed 20 until its blunt sword blade. In the past 10 i killed with bare hands.
- Good God, 'said Professor terrified, and your father told you that it is moral?
- Stay away from Aunt Sally when she's drunk!

My dear, I know that our baby is black

- My dear, I know that our baby is black! You know, when I was a little girl, my father worked in Ivory Coast mother chose aplapteze me a brownie. Black lashes her milk went directly into my blood and that's why our baby black. The man, wondering:
- Um ... yes?
When the man was calling his mother to announce that it has become a father.
- Oh, dear, I'm so happy! But tell me, is like you?
- Mama, I'm the happiest dad in the world, or almost happy ... Well, it's .. it's black .... But I have an explanation! Look: you remember when your daughter was little, her father worked in Ivory Coast, and her mother chose to breastfeed her daughter a brownie? Genes passed negress milk in her blood and that's how our baby is black!
- Aha! I understand. It is exactly your case when you were little and I nursed with cow's milk, and the genes they passed in your blood, that's why you're a great bull!

Beautiful woman he had ever seen

A guy climbs on a plane and take their place . Waiting to get on the plane takeoff sees the most beautiful woman he had ever seen . He soon realizes that she 's coming right at him and , with great satisfaction , found it was right near his place . Trying to get into it , manages to say :
- Business trip or pleasure ?
- Go to Congress Nimfomaniacelor Chicago - she responds . Electrified ( superexcitat ) this side of the most beautiful women in the world, in plus and seems nymphomaniac , asks the guy trying to keep calm apparently :
- And what is your role at the conference ?
- Lecturer, responsible woman . I used my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sex.
- Interesting ... says the man shivering visibly . And what these myths ?
- Well one of the most popular myths relates to African-American men , who are said to be the brightest , when the reality shows that the brightest are actually descendants rosii.O hides another entrenched belief is that the French are the best lovers , when actually the best lovers are the Greeks and their followers ... Realizing that was taken away, embarrassed woman says :
- I apologize . Pestering you with my personal problems nor we met ...
Man , conciliatory , put forth his hand and says :
- Oh, but that's not a problem. My name Winnetou Winnetou ... Papadopoulos ...

How can first aid

Two girls playing golf and having a great time until one of them sends the ball right in the middle of a group of men. Unfortunately, one of them falls to down to the ground writhing in pain with both hands between your legs. Female flees from him, he asked a thousand apologies and asks him to allow him to help him that happens to be nursing.
- No, thank you, in a few minutes I was back to me, whispers the man, his hands still between his legs.
Feeling terribly guilty babe gives hands slightly to one side, carefully unroll the zipper pants and begins to rub it in the genital area.
- Do you feel better? asks at one point.
- Yes, much better, gemstones guy. But fingers ache all mine!